


Nightmares

by NutMegThings



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Domination, F/M, Fear, Horror, M/M, Manipulation, Masochism, Multi, Nightmares, Sadism, Sadomasochism, Submission, Torture, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-23 17:21:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16163411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NutMegThings/pseuds/NutMegThings
Summary: Aight, so after frequenting the HP RP community on tumblr for a while I decided to write a little one off tiny ficlet. It now has a plot and some like, more in depth stuff goin on. So I'ma actually try and write this thing.This is my first actual Fan Fic- expect trash <3





	1. Have you ever

Have you ever

“Have you ever felt like your body is burning hot, like your blood is boiling and you have wave after wave of heat tearing through your body, and then…. I dunno, it’s… It’s hard to explain”. Remus shook his head. Sirius watched him, a grin creeping across his face, he shouldn’t, he reeaaaly shouldn’t. This was _serious_ , but well, he was Sirius, he had to.

“Oh yeah” the grin creeping into his voice now. Remus looked up at him, and that look, gods that look of hope and, and and and stuff, nearly stops him, but well in for a penny in for a pound. “Like last week with the hufflepuff girl”.

There’s a thud as Sirius meets the ground. Remus looks down at him and shakes his head, trying hard not to show the frustration and jealousy now curling in his gut “real funny dickhead, but I mean it, it’s not like… Like that” he couldn’t bring himself to say it. He _knew_ Sirius was the gryfindor whore, but still, it hurt. “It’s not so nice”.

Sirius didn’t bother getting back up on the couch he’d been pushed from, merely propping himself up on his shoulders. The floor was cool against his flushed skin, it was nice down here, and it meant he got to look up at Remus while they talked, bonus. “So not even slightly pleasurable, no fun whatsoever? There must be _some_ benefits, hell there’s benefits to being a Black even, so there’s gotta be _something_ ”.

Silence stretched and Sirius felt his gut churn in a very familiar, unpleasant way. He’d fucked up. He had to force his breathing back to normal, it’s not like Remus would hex him. He’s not at home, he’s with friends, he’s safe, Remus is here, Remus won’t - the flinch was barely noticeable when Remus shifted sighing heavily, Sirius hoped he hadn’t noticed. “Well” Remus reached his arm over the side of the couch and ran his fingers over the edge as he considered “I mean. The change is. I-It’s kind of. Well it”.  
“Horrible I know” Sirius supplied thinking back to all the nights like this one where his friend, tormented and in screaming horrific pain, became decidedly unfriendly.  
“No” Remus said, and there was guilt in his voice now. Sirius reached up to entwine his fingers with Remus’, stilling their nervous dance along the edge of the couch. He hoped it wasn’t weird, hoped it would give him some reassurance to keep going. Remus grasped the offered hand gratefully and continued. “It’s not. Well it is. It’s horrible, and painful, and terrifying, and I….I mean. I become…. But in all that there’s Uh… There’s a kind of, I don’t know, a release I guess. An exhilaration. The pain is still there but it… It’s almost… Exciting. Just in the moment where I’m not really me, but I’m not entirely… It either. And sometimes. Well sometimes it’s… It’s a relief just to give in. And I, I just… Fuck”.

The hand pulled back from Sirius to cover the sobs that now escaped Remus. Guilt, and shame, and hatred welled up and finally out as Remus confessed his secret. Sirius would hate him now, he was sure. He was weak, unworthy, selfish. Giving in to the wolf, giving in to… to **it**. _enjoying_ the pain. What the fuck was wrong with him. And now Sirius knew, and he would leave, and he would tell the others, and they would leave, and he would be alone again, alone with no one but the wolf for company, and gods he should just _die_. At least then no one would have to deal with mess that he was, no one else could be hurt by the monster he _enjoyed_ becoming.

Arms curled around his shaking frame. Fingers run through his hair, a warm hand pulled him in against a warmer chest. The heart beat he could feel against his burning cheek was fast, and hard, and soothing.

Sirius shushed his crying friend. He knew all too well what this was. Coming to find yourself enjoying pain when you’ve felt it for too long. Fuck, he should have known. How long had Remus been feeling this, dealing with it alone. He should have known, he should have helped.

The night wore on and eventually the shaking stopped. Remus felt drained and numb. The moon would be out in full tomorrow, but tonight at least he can rest. The heart beat against his cheek and the sweet scent of Sirius that he could taste on every breath, heightened so close to the full moon, finally lulled him to sleep. Safe in the arms of his friend.

Sirius didn’t last much longer. Remus’ hair was soft, and the wight on his chest was so… Right. Leaning down as the haze of sleep began to claim him, he brushed his lips against soft hair, and heard an appreciative hum from Remus in response. And then, under the cool light of the near full moon, arm in arm, they slept.


	2. In dreams we distrust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OI yo! warning ay, there's some head fuckery, nightmares, violence, dom, sub content in this bit.

Sirius reached out, expecting to meet the soft warmth of Remus who had been wrapped in his arms, but instead empty air met him. There was a chill, a cold blue tinge to the world as the moonlight filtered in the little broken window of the shack. “Remus?” his voice was hoarse, and rough as he called out to his friend “Where’d you go”. When there was no response, Sirius rolled over, remembering too late as he hit the ground for the second time that night, that they had been hauled up on the little couch, not the mattress on the floor. He picked himself up rubbing his arms in an attempt to regain some warmth against the chill in the air. “Remus?” he tried again, shuffling through the shack, searching for his friend.

Wave after wave of cold rage flooded through Remus. He had woken to find himself wrapped in Sirius’ arms, something he longed for every night as far back as he could remember now. But tonight when he woke there was no comfort in the embrace. The arms wrapped around him felt like chains, binding him, holding him back, holding him down. He wouldn’t stand for it. How dare Sirius treat him like that, as if he were weak. Didn’t he know? didn’t he understand? He was Strong, stronger than any of the other boys, stronger than any of the other kids in this damned school. He had the Wolf to care for him. He didn’t need the pitiful comfort of Sirius. He had the Wolf to keep him company.

A twist of panic rushed through him at the thought, and something desperate and horrified clawed at him, tried to take control. He would not let it.

Sirius rounded the corner to the little room, littered with ruined furniture, and there, against the wall, stood Remus. Fists balled tight, knuckles drawn white. Jaw clenched and eyes scrunched shut. “Remus” he called out as he reached tenderly towards his friend, heart breaking to see him in such anguish. He barely had time to gasp as those balled fists lunged toward him, and strong fingers wrapped around his throat, pushing him hard against the wall behind him. his breath caught, and his hands scrabbled uselessly against the iron grip, panic and fear flooding him as he looked into piercing blue eyes, the likes of which were unfamiliar to him, glaring back at him from the face of his friend.

A snarl escaped Remus’ lips as he felt the breath struggle to pass through the throat being crushed beneath his grip. “you think you understand, you think I’m weak like you” teeth bared as a thrill of anger ran through him “I am _nothing_ like you”. the whimper from the boy beneath him was delicious, and Remus watched with twisted joy as the trapped boy’s eyes looked up at him, pleading. “here” he growled “let me show you”.

Sirius felt his legs parted as a knee was shoved between them. One hand remained about his throat while the other forced his arms above his head. panic, fear, disgust, and something he wasn’t willing to acknowledge flooded his senses and he managed another weak whimper “Please”. Remus grinned leaning in close and studying the flushed face of his captive “I love it when you say please”. He felt a stab of disgust as the same desperate, horrified part of him clawed to take control.

warmth flooded through them as the boys tumbled together, gasping from the couch. Sunlight streamed in, bringing a honey glow to the room, a stark contrast to the icy blue tone that had filled each boys lives until moments ago.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, fuck I’m so sorry” Remus babbled scrabbling across the floor away from Sirius lest he hurt his friend again. Deep ragged breaths filled Sirius’ lungs as he felt the phantom pressure of strangling fingers. Sirius shook his head, forcing himself to calm down. He was used to controlled breathing to regain composure after his parents…. outburst, and was the first to regain some sense. He looked to the couch they had just fallen from, the sunshine glowing warmly across it eluded to the time being quite late in the day now. Shaking his head Sirius turned to his friend “I think” his voice was strong, far sturdier than he had been expecting, there was no pain in his throat, no bruising at all. “I think, we just had a nightmare”.


	3. Slither and Squeak

Peter curled himself in his blankets, warm and comfortable in the dorm. Tomorrow of course would be different, he’d a bloody stupid rat in a bloody shrieking shack, with a bloody werewolf trying to eat him. Okay so it was Remus, okay so he was Remus’ friend, and they’re all in this together, and so on and so forth. But really, he couldn’t see how him being there was helping. He’d learned to be an animagi _illegally_ , he’d kept the secret, he’d stayed with them all through their dangerous pranks that always got him dragged into trouble. But he did not see, how spending the night as a useless rat was supposed to comfort a werewolf. Why were they even trying to comfort a werewolf? It’s not like he’s really Remus when he’s changed. Couldn’t they all just… Escort him to the shack, lock him in, sleep a proper night sleep, and then pick up the pieces in the morning?

He knew though, come tomorrow he would be right there with them, scampering around all night long. He could never really say no, but honestly they shouldn’t even be rightly asking him.

Peter rolled over again, pulling the thick blanket up over his ear and snuggling further in. At least tonight he could get some sleep.

When he woke though the air was cold, and there was a strange blue tinge about the normally Crimson room. His whiskers twitched and he could feel his heart thrumming in his chest. He could smell something, something…. Strange, something… Terrifying. The fangs of the snake sunk deep into the matted bedding of peters burrow, just barely missing Peter himself, and it hissed ungratefully for the mouth full of shredded paper.

Peter leapt and scampered and clawed his way to the bed he knew James would be snoring in. Sure enough there lay his warm sleeping protector, breathing heavily and muttering in his dreams. How could James be sleeping when he was about to be _eaten_.

“James! James!” His screams seemed to fall on deaf ears as he made his way over the soft covers of James’ bed. “James!” He felt the blankets shift and hope rose in him before he realised they were not shifting from his protector stirring, but from the wight of the snake making its way after me. “Oh Merlin, Please! James”, he squeaked as finally he made his way to his protectors head, the snake closing in behind him. “what” came the groggy voice too loud against Peters small ears, too close. “th-thers a-a-a-a s-s-snaaake! Jaaames, help me!”. Startling green eyes with slit pupils snapped open to stare down at him “I know peter, just let it eat you already would you? we’ll be stronger without you” a giant hand struck out and grasped him tight, dangling him precariously over the eager snake, whose tongue tasted the air beneath him restlessly. “James! James! what are you d-d-doing?? we’re _friends_  right? _friends_!” The mouth below him opened, as as he watched the fangs reach out to him, glistening, peter heard a chorus from each of the other marauders “why would we ever be friends with someone like _you_ ”.

Darkness enveloped him and peter launched himself bodily out of bed, landing running on his feet. He bolted for the common room and was relieved to see it wasn’t empty, and nor were any of the marauders there. “aright Pete?” someone asked, he could hear a few others giggling at him, but it didn’t matter, not this time anyway. He was human again, and no snakes could hope to swallow him whole like this at least. Why. Why did they ever make him become a rat in the first place, why couldn’t they have just left well enough alone.


	4. Ghosts and Graveyards

James lay awake, staring at the ceiling of his four poster bed. Tomorrow was a big night, Remus was gonna go through hell and he hadn’t thought of anything more to help him yet. All he could do was be there for him, not as a human obviously, that’d be far too dangerous, but they’d surpassed that little problem ages ago. Lately he’d been racking his brain trying to find something more to help. Music was a good start, they’d managed to bring his dads old piano to the shack last summer, and sure it didn’t quite sound right anymore after so many repair spells, but it still gave Remus something to focus on in the aftermath, something solid. Maybe Evans could help find them some of the muggle music Remus likes so much, the ones on the little rectangles. Maybe, hopefully, she could do more than that to help.

He’d been building this plan for weeks and weeks now. Evans was by far the best potions student of all eternity, and she was good solid trustworthy, enough that if she did figure out their secret she’d probably still be inclined to help. But letting her know would be putting her in danger, and Remus didn’t want anyone else to know either. Besides, he’d have to wait before asking if she could brew up something to help, her and Snivellus had another fight last week, and he’d already made things worse. She needed time before he could start harassing her for help on this stuff.

James sighed and brought his hand up to rub at his eyes. If only he could do more.

it was well past midnight by the time James nodded off. He’d lain awake listening to Peter toss and turn, debating whether or not waking him, or letting him get sleep before tomorrow would be kinder. In the end he’d decided to leave Pete to it, the boy usually didn’t appreciate being woken, even out of one of his regular nightmares. Besides good old Pete would need his rest, what little he could get anyway, for tomorrow. It was going to be rough, but together, the marauders could get through anything!

The plane, messy grave stone in front of him proclaimed its occupant to be one Sirius Black, it was decidedly devoid of flowers, or any mark that could possibly show that it had ever had a single visitor. James stared in disbelief. Beside it was a slightly grander grave stone, this one read “Here lies Remus Lupin, A noble friend and a devoted son”. The first sob broke through as tears began to stream down his face. “no” he choked on the word as it forced it’s way out, and then his fists were slamming into the hard stone and he screamed “NO!”. 

Cold bit into his trembling body, turning his fingers blue and making his limbs shudder. He had to get out of here, find Lilly, find Peter, make sure they’re okay, he had to find them. Two more shaky steps and James stumbled over a small, neglected stone. It was chipped and worn, but bore some flowers on it “P. Pettigrew” it proclaimed. Bile rose in his throat as James read the name “Peter, Sirius, Remus, No. what happened? what happened?”. he brought his hands up to cover his face, trying desperately to will away the sight before him. 

When he opened them again, he stood in the middle of a field of dried and crumbling flowers. A single tree stood before him, warped and bare of leaves. In it’s trunk there was a carving “In memory of Lilly Evans, may these fields bloom as bright as her smile”.

James could hardly breathe, he could hardly think. The smell of decaying flowers smothered him as his head spun. they were all gone, all of them. “what happened” the whisper barely escaped his lips, but there before him rose the ghost of Lilly, and with her appeared Peter, and then Remus, and Sirius at his side, all of them speaking as one “You let us down James”. He shook his head, grief drowning him “No, no I, I couldn’t, I-I I wouldn’t”. the voices of his friends all cut him off “you weren’t there James, when we needed you, you let us down, you let us die”. “The wolf” Remus growled. “My parents” Sirius said, the disappointment in his voice making James’ heart sink even more. “They never stopped bullying” came the trembling voice of peter. “Severus” Lilly said simply, and the indifference in her voice cut James deeper than he could have imagined. “you let this happen” came the voices together “why didn’t you do more”.

James could hardly feel the crimson blankets he lay in, could hardly feel the warm bright light streaming in from the tower windows. He couldn’t tell what time it was, he didn’t care, he could hardly think beyond the crushing guilt. the imagery of the gravestones playing again and again, as the echo of his friends voices played through his memory. It was all his fault.


	5. The Morning After

Remus had taken hours to calm down. He was convinced this was somehow his fault, no matter what Sirius tried to tell him. 

“It felt too real Sirius” Remus still couldn’t bring himself to meet his friends eyes “it wasn’t just a dream, I felt it, felt…. the wolf. Sirius I’m so sorry”. the apologies now followed everything Remus said, it was almost worse than the first time they’d stayed during a change. “Merlin Remus, stop blaming yourself for everything” The reply was harsher than Sirius intended but at least Remus seemed to listen to him this time “That wasn’t a  _you_  thing Remus, we just  _shared_ a  _nightmare_ , that’s some magic gone wrong. Probably a prank gone wrong or something, you know what the Gryffindor lads can be like.

Remus shook his head “With pranks like that who needs curses”

* * *

Peter had found his way down to the great hall bright and early, warranting him a few glances. Showing up so early, and without the rest of his group in tow, was apparently enough of an oddity to grant him some very unwanted attention. Pulling his scarf tighter around him, peter hunched in on himself further and made his way to the Gryffindor table, sitting a little distance away from anyone else. Once there though, he barely touched his food, he could swear that out of the corner of his eye he could see something long and scaled slithering around the table legs. He absolutely refused to let himself look for it, no one else was looking, except for Snape he noticed, who seemed to be glaring at peter even more than usual. Peter prayed that Snape wouldn’t choose this morning to harass him, James wasn’t even here! why was he  _staring_. 

* * *

James had missed morning lessons by the time he managed to haul himself out of bed. A long hot shower and a mirror pep talk later and the only tell of his horrid night was the bags under his eyes. He was used to looking like utter shit around this time each month anyway though so, no biggie, this was fine, nothing to worry about, everything was totally and utterly fine. Better than that even, things were brilliant!

He came bounding down the halls to the great hall at lunch time, consequences of missing early classes be damned, by the time he made it to lunch he was positively beaming. Throwing out greetings to anyone he passed James was greeted back by the usual mix of hello’s, bugger offs, and heckles, Hogwarts as usual, absolutely terrific. Then of course he saw Lilly.

 

 


End file.
